Surrogacy isn't a Joke and Neither is Kim Kardashian West for Pursuing it

I’ve been dreading this week. I knew it was coming. I wasn’t ready to be angry at the hateful and rude comments that were going to start coming out.
 
This week Kim Kardashian West announced she will be pursuing gestational surrogacy for her third child.

As a former surrogate, my blood boiled. Not because she is using a surrogate but because of the exact opposite. I was already angry at the commenters who had no idea what surrogacy is about.
 
There is a stigma for heterosexual couples or single women in Hollywood who use surrogacy. Two gay men? Single Father? No big deal. But celebrity women involved in surrogacy almost always receive a stigma that they just did not want to ruin their body.

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 15, 2017 at 11:33pm PDT

No. Just No.

Very, very few cases of surrogacy are due to career or body issues. VERY FEW. I’ve only heard personally of three surrogates carrying due to those reasons. But guess what, it's still their choice to do so.
 
But that certainly isn’t the case here. The fact that it has been brought up is disgusting. She publicly went through two horrific pregnancies and surgeries after both to try and conceive again. She has a HOLE in her UTERUS. She’s had blood transfusions. She had her placenta scrapped from her uterus because it wouldn’t release. Her doctor told her that she had a major chance of dying while trying again. ​

Yall. That’s intense.
 
I wouldn’t want to die trying to have a child.
 
Surrogacy is normally the last chance effort for families. It isn’t a spur of the moment decision. These parents have gone through testing, meetings, crying nights and financial discussions.

Yes. Financial discussions.

Surrogacy costs on average 90-130k. Costs can vary based on many factors. The surrogate may not have surrogacy friendly insurance, therefore either a new coverage will need to be obtained during open enrollment and paid for by the intended parents or the intended parents will pay cash for all services.
 
Also, the first transfer of the embryo may fail. And maybe the second. And maybe the third. They may need to make new embryos. Each failed transfer and each new egg retrieval + fertilization costs money. There is only a 60% chance on average that an IVF procedure will result in pregnancy whether you transfer one or two embryos. Transferring two only increase the result of multiples – which is risky.
 
Even as a celebrity, no one wants to fork out that cash to have a child. But they do it. People take out second and third mortgages, max credit cards and borrow. In most states, surrogacy IVF treatments are not covered in the insurance. Actually, IVF treatments aren’t covered at all in most states.
 
Don’t tell someone they need to adopt.
 
Would you tell your newly married heterosexual couple friends that they should adopt instead of conceiving the “natural” way? Nope. You would never tell them what to do in their bedroom or how to procreate their family. So don’t tell the infertile.

It is not the burden of the infertile to carry the weight of the orphaned on their back.
 
Oh and adoption isn’t cheap either.
 
Adoptions are seriously expensive as well and it isn’t guaranteed you’ll have a child. Surrogacy isn’t either and there are natural risks that can happen but for the most part, once you hit the viability stage of pregnancy, it is very likely you’ll have a child in your home.

You definitely will know you’ll leave a hospital with a child in your arms unlike in adoptions where the birth mom has 48 hours to decide post birth.

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We’re not Lifetime Movies
 
Bless it. I love Lifetime for some juicy crazy drama but too many think their dramas are the real deal. There’s never a good surrogacy story or outcome on television or in movies.
 
That also includes the news. Some surrogates do go off their rocker but it boils down to missed steps each and every time. Please don't judge surrogates on a few bad apples and television drama.
 
Surrogacy is in the Relationship
 
Each relationship between surrogate and IPs are different. Some become lifelong friendships and others turn out to be more professional. Both are okay. However before anyone stabs a needle in their stomach or hip, you go through a lot of testing. You do medical testing. You go through multiple psychological tests and therapy meetings.
 
You have a contract that is legally binding. You list out each situation that may occur and how it is handled. They contracts are – on average – 25-50 pages in length. I was uncompensated and ours was still 29 pages long and I have seen contracts at upwards of 89 pages. The more details involved the better. You’ll both have representation to look out for your best interests so there shouldn’t be questions or issues when a situation comes up.
 
The Law isn’t always on our side.
 
Very few states are very surrogacy friendly, California being one of them. Here in North and South Carolina, we do not have laws for or against surrogacy. That essentially means if something were to come up and when parents apply for a Pre-Birth Order, it is 100% up to the judge.  
 
Some states have laws preventing surrogacy for certain reasons. Louisiana only allows surrogacy for heterosexual couples. New York does not allow for a surrogate to be compensated and even if they are not compensated they are notorious for making the parents adopt their biological child. Michigan do not recognize contracts and a surrogate fled there to avoid losing custody of the child.

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Surrogacy is a beautiful thing. I wish others really understood what surrogates actually do. I have been called many names from a cash cow (I wasn’t even compensated) to being told I was a horrible ‘mother’ for abandoning my child - that isn't even biologically mine.
 
Intended Parents through surrogacy deserve the right to have their children just like any other family. That includes the Kardashian-West family.

Who cares what you think about them.

Who cares what you think you know about them.
 
Because we don’t know them.
 
But we do know she could have died having another child.

We know she tried everything she could to avoid surrogacy.
 
And we certainly know it takes a very strong women to give another women the trust of loving + caring for her child for nine months. ​

Thanks for trusting our small community in expanding your family. 

I can only hope we do not let the Kardashian-West family down. 

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