Discover how to let go!
She is here to stay ladies!
Even if the former spouse is deceased she may still have a substantial effect on the "stepfamily" home.
what to do when you don't "fit".
Most men don't think as emotionally as we do. They're probably not doing it purposely, and when you bring it up will more than likely act like they have no idea what your talking about.
They're thinking about their children. Probably the children they only see every other week/weekend, month, or for holidays. He is probably thinking "I see her everyday" and I only see "them so often". Tell him how you feel. Sometimes men just need help connecting the dots.
Stepfamilies are created by loss.
You cant control her.
Your step child(rens) mother is going to "raise" the children different than you. Her bed time is going to be 10, yours 9:30, she is going to let them have ice cream for breakfast once a week, you would never, your going to insist on baths at bedtime, and she is going to insist on baths at morning dusk... Do not put yourself in the position to become angry. That just leads to more frustration over issues that likely are never going to change. Accept that you can't control what goes on in her home and remember she is doing the EXACT same thing when she hears your bedtime is later than hers.
(Obviously this does not apply in cases that involve abuse, or neglect, those issues need to be addressed immediately)