Its August 17th. Summer is almost over, schools starting next week and we're days away from the highly anticipated eclipse. There's laundry to be done, lunch to be cooked and two sweet faced boys looking for entertainment. Needless to say, there's lots of things I should be doing. Instead, I find myself laying in bed, in my dark, cold room.
Seven months ago I was told August 17th was the day! It was the day that was going to change my life, for the rest of my life. It was the day my dreams would come true, the day my heart would grow three sizes bigger, and the day I would be able to take home what I've only dreamed about for years.
Instead that day was replaced. That day was replaced by January 3rd, another day that will also forever be implanted on my memory. It was the day I was sure the world was crashing down on top of me, my dream taken from me right side with almost loosing my life.
In my mind I should be upstairs, in another room staring with awe. I should be head over heals. I'm not, I'm laying in this cold room instead. Today I realized that is just fine. Off and on for the last few months I have searched the web, I have asked others "just how long of a (mourning) process is ok?" No two answers were ever the same. Today I realized that's ok.
Each and and every person on this earth mourn different situations in different ways. With each situation comes new waves, new hurdles, new pains and new heartbreaks. There are no "standards" . There are no "allotments" and today I realize that is just fine. That is ok. I will be ok. I will take this day and however many other in my lifetime that are needed to feel just that, to feel ok.
We have all been here, or walked with a friend here. I hope this serves as a reminder that we are not pre-programmed people. We are individuals with individual needs. Just remember, however you decide to do it, like myself, you to will ride the wave and eventually, in your own time, reach the smooth sea.
Embarrassed. Ashamed. Frightened. Scared.
These are just a few of the emotions that women secretly feel while struggling with infertility. Your embarrassed when you sit at you family reunion and make an excuse for the 10th time as to why you don’t have children. Your ashamed that the day you give your spouse a child of their own might never come. You’re afraid you are going to live your whole life without someone screaming “Mom!” Your envious of the couples who are getting pregnant without “really trying”, or even on accident. Accident!
All while watching, and waiting, weeping and praying. Your sex life is based on your fertility app…of course this really sets the mood!
Doctors’ appointments, doctors’ appointments, over and over only to be told the same thing. Every. Single. Time.
You can’t turn on the tv without seeing what you feel is your constant reminder of the children you don’t have.
When an adult decides to begin the journey of having a child we assume it’s easy! Goodbye to contraceptive, hello baby! There won’t be a problem, there’s no concerns, we are sure that everything is going to be easy peasy! Why? Well, its easier that way. Besides, why would I, a healthy human fall into the small category of “undiagnosed infertility?”
When, it’s not that at all. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) over 10 percent of women (6.1 million) have difficulty getting pregnant. More than 20 percent of reported pregnancies end in miscarriages. That is almost 1 in 4 pregnancies within America.
Infertility is scary. Infertility is painful and feels like a battle that will never be over.
Infertility is not something to be ashamed of, infertility is not what defies a person. There are options but most importantly, there are no wrong answers. Millions of people are/have been/ can be/ will be in your shoes. You are not alone. You are worth it. You are strong. You are loved!
Discover how to let go!
An elephant never forgets! Neither does a women! Women hold onto memories, especially when they have been wounded. When that scar was inflicted by a hurting stepchild, when lashing out was the only way he (or she) knew how, a new perspective is needed. Don't hold onto resentment and anger associated with a child that is in pain. The end result is never promising.
She is here to stay ladies!
I live in a home that another woman lived in before I did. That woman is the mother to the two of the greatest things in my life. The kitchen I make our dinner in is filled with memories, not all created by me. I wasn't there for all their "first". At the same time we have created new first! Letting go of the ones you can't reconstruct is a pivotal point!
Even if the former spouse is deceased she may still have a substantial effect on the "stepfamily" home.
what to do when you don't "fit".
Your standing on the front porch, peering through the window, and you see your husband and his kids laugh while playing together. The first thing that comes to your mind.... "they are a family, I'm the outcast".
Most men don't think as emotionally as we do. They're probably not doing it purposely, and when you bring it up will more than likely act like they have no idea what your talking about.
They're thinking about their children. Probably the children they only see every other week/weekend, month, or for holidays. He is probably thinking "I see her everyday" and I only see "them so often". Tell him how you feel. Sometimes men just need help connecting the dots.
Stepfamilies are created by loss.
If you don't accept that, and don't really let it sink in be prepared to fight a never ending, always uphill battle. Your "stepfamily" relationship will be like no others. Whether it is based on the end of a relationship, a divorce, or even death there was a loss first. No matter what kind of loss it hurts. Failure to accept this will more often than not result in the sabotage of your own relationship. Once you accept this, you will begin t understand that all stepfamilies will have their own unique issues.
You cant control her.
Say it out loud. You cant control her.
Your step child(rens) mother is going to "raise" the children different than you. Her bed time is going to be 10, yours 9:30, she is going to let them have ice cream for breakfast once a week, you would never, your going to insist on baths at bedtime, and she is going to insist on baths at morning dusk... Do not put yourself in the position to become angry. That just leads to more frustration over issues that likely are never going to change. Accept that you can't control what goes on in her home and remember she is doing the EXACT same thing when she hears your bedtime is later than hers.
(Obviously this does not apply in cases that involve abuse, or neglect, those issues need to be addressed immediately)
Those twinkling eyes, the late night hugs and the constant love that pours from your step child come from her. If it weren't for her relationship with your spouse those children would not exist. She trust you with her children, she calls for events, keeps you in the loop. More than likely when she got married (to your spouse) and had children she never planned on it ending in a divorce. She never thought she would have to deal with another woman around her child. A woman that her children would also, eventually, see as a mother figure too. She never wanted you in her life. Yet she (will) accept you because like you, she knows its whats best for the children. This is just as hard for her as it is for you. She is sharing her children with you...The journey your embarking on is meant to be life-long. You will always be there, because she brought them there.
What is Housewives in the city?
This is probably the most asked question I receive. Followed by, "is this a TV show?!" We are not a TV show but, we do have a catchy name! Housewives in The City is actually a group of fabulous ladies! These ladies are acting almost as brick layer to build bridges in their individual cites! This is the ever so fabulous Charleston edition! I am building the bridge to connect the fine businesses of all capacities to the great women in their area! One of the many ways that I build those bridges is through our Girls Night Out events #GNO! During these events we give the fabulous business owners, entrepreneurs, mlm sales teams and so forth the opportunity to come and "set up shop" for our ladies! I want to connect the best of our city to some of the greatest gals around!
do I have to be a housewife to attend the events?
No! As a matter of fact up until October last year I was not a wife! Our events are open to everyone! They are not centered around Housewives! You do not have to be a Housewife to attend or to be a vendor at one of our events!
do I have to own a business or be a salesperson to attend?
No! We invite business owners, sales representatives and so forth to come out and meet our guest! But anyone can be a guest! Just grab a ticket (they're free!) and hang out!
HOW MUCH ARE THE EVENTS TO ATTEND? WHERE ARE THEY HELD?
Our events are free for guest! Come one come all! They are definitely not something you want to miss! We always have a great time not to mention, fabulous vendors, giveaways and wine!
Our event location varies by month! If you follow our Facebook, Housewives in the City Columbia you can follow us, and always be up to date with all of our events!
HOW DO I HOST A GIRLS NIGHT OUT AT MY RESTAURANT? OR BECOME A VENDOR?
If your a restaurant, bar, breweries or other similar location and want to host an event email us! Nicole@housewivesinthecity.com If you want to become a vendor, sponsor or other participant email us as well!
Questions? Need more information? Want to become involved? Email me at Nicole@housewivesinthecity.com until your heart is content! I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you!
On Sunday Shawn and I found ourselves hungry, ready to watch the football game and he wanted a beer! After a short deliberation we found ourselves at the Casual Pint in the Vista and I am so glad we did!
We were instantly greeted by Doug, the manager and our "beertender" Ali! Both Doug and Ali were extremely knowledgeable on every beer they had (hundreds to choose from!) which made things easier than imaginable! As you may not know, I am not a beer enthusiast, well, that was until I got there! After a short discussion with Doug on the things I do and dont like in a drink he quickly returned with the perfect flight for me!
I ultimately found the Founders Rubaeus Nitro Fresh Raspberry Ale to be my long lost soul mate of beers! Above all else, look at how beautiful it poured!
Shawn fell in love with their Elysian Superfuzz! It was a beer infused with a blood orange flavoring brewed out of Seattle Washington! It was fabulous!
Of course nothing goes more hand in hand then beer and food! We were pleasantly surprised with the food options at our Casual Pint! They had everything from wings, to pizza, brats to salad! Of course we couldn't leave without the pretzel and beer cheese appetizer because, well, I LOVE all things cheese! It was phenomenal. I could have drank the cheese alone! It took all of my manners to resist licking the bowl it came in!
If your looking for a place in Columbia with a stellar beer menu, great, friendly service and fabulous eats look no further than The Casual Pint! They also host various events throughout the month, like a beer and chocolate tasting! We just so happen to be hosting our February Girls Night Out event on their next Beer and Chocolate pairing evening! We hope to see you all there! If you make it there before hand (run to the beer and cheese!) tell Doug we said hello! He wont disappoint you!
Did you know there is a day for just about everything?
I'll be honest! I was looking for National Dachshund day! If you know me then you know that I am obsessed with all things Dachshund! Anyhow, while I didnt find National Dachshund day I did find all these fun reasons to celebrate this month!
December 1- National Pie Day!
December 2- National Mutt Day
December 3- National "Roof over our head" Day
December 4- National Cookie Day
December 5- International Ninja Day
December 6- National Microwave oven Day
December 7- National Pearl Harbor Day
December 8- National Brownie Day
December 9- National Pastry Day
December 10- Dewy Decimal Day
December 11-National Noodle Ring Day
Decemeber 12- National Ding-a-ling Day
December 13- National Cocoa Day
December 14- National Boullabaisse Day
Deceber 15-National Cupcake/Lemon Cupcake Day
December 16- National Chocolate Covered everything day
December 17-National Maple Syrup Day
December 18- National Roast Suckling Pig Day
December 19- National Hard Candy Day
December 20- National Sangria Day
December 21- Yule
December 22- National Date Nut Bread Day
December 23- National Roots Day
December 24- Christmas Eve/Eggnog Day
December 25- Christmas/ National Pumpkin Pie Day
December 26- National Candy Cane Day
December 27- National Fruit Cake Day
December 28- National Chocolate Candy Day
December 29-Tick Tock Day
December 30- Bacon Day
December 31- New Years Eve/National Champeigne Day
While one may see to many things to celebrate, all I can see is plenty of excuses to eat sweets!
It isn’t a secret that I recently tied the knot! I went from having no children to (technically speaking) being a step mother of two! I will never forget the day that I met my husband’s children! We will call them Red and Blade! At the time, Red was 9 and Blade was 7 (they are now 12 and 10) My now husband and I had been dating for a few months and the day to “meet the kids” had finally arrived. We decided we would do so at their favorite restaurant. Millions of thoughts went in and out of my mind the biggest of course being “what if they don’t like me?” I will never forget the look on Red’s face when I saw him for the first time. I am sure that it matched mine.
Instantly our relationship went from a couple, to a family unit of 4. There was and still is resistance (and possibly hesitation) from both sides. How did I go from being a single woman to a family of 4 within what felt like moments of time? Here’s the answer! I didn’t.
All relationships take time. All relationships with children take more time. What we often forget is children are delicate individuals. Often times when a parent becomes involved with another person after a divorce/separation, the abandonment of a child and even death, is that a child’s emotions and feelings are left feeling raw. Of course, when you add a new adult, almost like peroxide to a wound there is a moment of pain.
I am their extra mom, their step mother. I am not their mother. I will not be today, I will not be tomorrow. My step children call me by my name. That does not mean that they do not love, care and respect me. That does not mean that they don’t appreciate what I do. They do indeed love me, they know I am their mentor, and that I am their fathers partner in parenting. We are treated equally amongst them. Children are a package deal when it comes to a relationship with a “single” parent. It takes time to EARN the love and respect from new stepchildren. This relationship takes time and trust to build. Deciding not to do so is simply not an option for a new “blended family”.
So forget the expectation of (unconditional) love. Instead, go for like. Go for respect. Go for compassion and understanding. Go for having fun and enjoying them. Go for finding things in common and cultivating a positive relationship with them. After all, positive relationships are created by every day, little interactions and acts of kindness. Love can come, fear will leave. Above all, stay true to yourself!
Here we are, a week from my wedding and in true procrastination style there are still 1000 plus things left for me to do! I grabbed Krystal, one of my bridesmaids, and we were off! We decided before hand we wanted to eat lunch and we ended up at the Carolina Ale House!
We were instantly greeted at the door and seated in Drew's section! Drew clearly directed all of his attention to use while describing the happenings (they had 4 football games playing that afternoon) and their specials! It was within a few moments that I decided that I must try their Berry Tea! Krystal ordered their Red Wine Sangria! I was thrilled when they arrived! My tea had the freshest blueberries I had ever had!
After our cocktails we ordered the Seared Tuna Salad and The Brisket Sandwich Dip! How fabulous do these look?! The Tuna was cooked to perfection! The Brisket Sandwich lived up to my expectations of Brisket and after spending almost 8 years in Texas those expectations are high!
During the entire stay of our visit our waiter, Drew, made sure that we had everything we needed! It was a great "go to" for a fast, filing and tasteful lunch on a busy Sunday! When you check it out make sure to ask for him!
Confession number 1: I can eat hot wings every single day!
I love everything about hot wings! It is no exaggeration when I say that I could literally eat them every day! Problem is... I'm not 18 anymore and I've got a wedding dress to fit into in less than a month! So sadly for me and my local Buffalo Wild Wings I cant! But! These are my perfect solution to the every so yummy, deep fried buffalo wings!
4 Tablespoons Olive (or other besides vegatable and canola) oil
1 Lb Boneless, skinless chicken breast/tenders
2 Tablespoons Garlic Powder
3 Tablespoons Paprika
2 Tablespoons Crushed Red Pepper Flakes
1/2 Tablespoon Salt
1 Tablespoon Pepper
1/3 cup hot sauce (I prefer Franks with this recipe!)
(Obviously you can add to or omit the Red Pepper Flakes and Hot Sauce to your desired heat!)
(If you are using whole chicken breast you will trim the fat, slice and shape each breast into multiple tender shaped pieces. I am aware they sell boneless skinless tenders already..But! I am cheap, and some times they are almost $2 per pound extra at my grocery store! I also cook the trimmings for dog treats!)
Take your chicken tender pieces and place them in a gallon sized bag. Add oil (I use avocado oil) to the bag and shake to coat each piece. Then dump all the seasonings into the bag. Shake bag around until all pieces are coated, and are red in color.
Let the chicken rest. (This is where I put the zip lock bag into the fridge and drink a glass of wine!) for 30 minutes to an hour. Grab a nonstick frying pan and turn the heat on medium! Place the tenders in the frying pan (there is no need for additional oil!) and cook on each side for about 3 minutes. Once each side is cooked I turn the heat on high to seer each side. After the chicken is fully cooked I add my hot sauce to the pan and allow the sauce to coat the chicken fully.
You have awesome buffalo chicken! I often use this recipe for shrimp instead of Chicken as well!
For sides I use whatever fresh fruit I can get my hands on, and a light salad!
Hi Everybody! My name is Nicole and I am the face behind Columbia Housewives! I am BEYOND excited to be here and anxious to talk to everyone! I figured this to be the best time to introduce myself!
I'm a 28 year old New Jersey native who until recently had no sense of home. My mother was in the Navy which meant we moved often and right around the time my parents and younger siblings found their "home" I joined the military myself! Which of course sent me all over the world and back.
I moved to South Carolina in 2010 shortly I was (medically) retired from the Army. I chose to stay in South Carolina not really sure of which direction my life was going, and I haven't left since!
I am currently engaged (At this current moment I'm 25 days, 3 hours and 48 minutes away from being married!) to the man of my dreams, who also happens to be a transplanted South Carolinian! While I have no biological children of my own I do have two bonus children whom I love with every fiber of my being! I couldn't imagine my life without them!
I have what some may consider a unhealthy obsession with Miniature Dachshunds, my dogs mean the world to me and they go everywhere I do! Most of my dogs have been more places/states than some people have been.
When we are not home corralling dogs we enjoy going to the beach, any kind of action movie, and riding the motorcycle! I also enjoy reading, camping and just about everything that involves my boys.
I am so thrilled to be a part of this awesome group of ladies! I can’t wait to show what big and exciting things Columbia has to offer!
I'm a New Jersey native whose found her permanent home in South Carolina! When I am not connected to the internet I am either chasing a dachshund, day dreaming about Disney World or binge watching something on Netflix!
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Copyright © 2016, SOCIALLY FUSED LLC
Copyright © 2016, SOCIALLY FUSED LLC