Its August 17th. Summer is almost over, schools starting next week and we're days away from the highly anticipated eclipse. There's laundry to be done, lunch to be cooked and two sweet faced boys looking for entertainment. Needless to say, there's lots of things I should be doing. Instead, I find myself laying in bed, in my dark, cold room.
Seven months ago I was told August 17th was the day! It was the day that was going to change my life, for the rest of my life. It was the day my dreams would come true, the day my heart would grow three sizes bigger, and the day I would be able to take home what I've only dreamed about for years.
Instead that day was replaced. That day was replaced by January 3rd, another day that will also forever be implanted on my memory. It was the day I was sure the world was crashing down on top of me, my dream taken from me right side with almost loosing my life.
In my mind I should be upstairs, in another room staring with awe. I should be head over heals. I'm not, I'm laying in this cold room instead. Today I realized that is just fine. Off and on for the last few months I have searched the web, I have asked others "just how long of a (mourning) process is ok?" No two answers were ever the same. Today I realized that's ok.
Each and and every person on this earth mourn different situations in different ways. With each situation comes new waves, new hurdles, new pains and new heartbreaks. There are no "standards" . There are no "allotments" and today I realize that is just fine. That is ok. I will be ok. I will take this day and however many other in my lifetime that are needed to feel just that, to feel ok.
We have all been here, or walked with a friend here. I hope this serves as a reminder that we are not pre-programmed people. We are individuals with individual needs. Just remember, however you decide to do it, like myself, you to will ride the wave and eventually, in your own time, reach the smooth sea.
I'm a New Jersey native whose found her permanent home in South Carolina! When I am not connected to the internet I am either chasing a dachshund, day dreaming about Disney World or binge watching something on Netflix!