Hi Gang! As promised months ago, I am finally going to share our infertility journey and PCOS diagnosis with you! I'm going to make this a 2-3 part post, your girl has lots to say :) It has honestly taken me so long to write because I debated on whether I should post about it or not, not because I'm ashamed or don't want anyone to know....but because our journey is much shorter than most and I felt it was insignificant. I was quickly reminded that that kind of thinking is exactly why women suffer in silence, I shouldn't be ashamed of my story...especially if it will give just one person HOPE.
A little back story for you...I am someone that when I set my mind to something, I want it now and as fast as I can get it! And usually that works out pretty well for me...yep I'm a millennial :) I thrive off of instant gratification. Let me tell you, I was in for a rude awakening when we started this journey for Baby #2. Looking back through those miserable months, I would have never thought I would be typing these words. But here goes...what a blessing in disguise our journey was and I didn't even know it yet!
I am a planner and I don't just let things happen, when we first decided we were going to try to conceive...I said to myself I would give it a month of no planning and just see what happens. A month later, roughly, I took a pregnancy test early...because 0 patience over here...and negative, a few days later I got my period. I didn't think much of it, because I really didn't know when I ovulated etc...the planner in me was ready to really get down to business (haha) and start tracking every single thing the next month and knew it would take no time at all once I bought the ovulation kit to find out when I was ovulating. We used the kit when we were trying with Harper and it worked the first time, obviously it would work just as quickly this time, right?? ;)
To keep this post relatively short I'm going to highlight the next 12-14 months....
Every single month for the next 12 months I would take an ovulation test and every single month I got a positive ovulation...this isn't rocket science, according to the test if I'm ovulating and we were doing everything correctly...I should have been pregnant times 12!
After about 3 months of trying I knew something had to be off, I quickly made an appointment with my OB...after my appointment I pretty much left feeling helpless...I got the whole "you've only been trying to for 3 months, give it at least a year and we will circle back then." What she didn't understand is that just wasn't going to work for my timeline I had planned out perfectly...I wanted this baby NOW, and nothing else mattered. Nothing. I called my hubby upset, and he being the one who brings me back to reality every single time, and calms me down, said It's going to happen just give it a little more time. So back at it we go....
6 months rolled around, and still NOTHING...by this time I was an emotional, crazy mess....you start to google every single thing, I can tell you every single place I was when I started my period and exactly how I felt every single time. DEVASTATED. We would be out in public somewhere when it would start and I would need 5 minutes in the car to get my shit together and stop crying. Pregnancy announcements were popping up everywhere on social media, you want sooooo bad to be happy for your friends that are announcing...but you find yourself back in high school being that jealous person you never want to be. Why them and why not me??? If you are reading this right now, and you've been trying to conceive with no result...I'm here to tell you it is OK to have those feelings...I was angry, I was sad, I was mad...I was every emotion you could possibly think of. But most of all I was feeling HOPELESS!
At about 6 months of trying, I again called back my OB..I said something isn't right and I want more testing. Not only am I planner, I'm also a doer...if something isn't working you bet I'm out there trying to find every single way to make it happen. Over the last 5-6 years I started experiencing symptoms of PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome)...of course I had already self diagnosed based off of the symptoms and good ol' google. I wanted an ultra sound of my ovaries asap, knowing that this would definitely show PCOS and hopefully give us some answers. My OB called back a few days later and said my ovaries looked great! Was I happy to hear that? Sure, but was that giving me any sort of answers to my unexplained infertility..NOPE. After that phone call, I quickly told her I was ready to be put on Clomid...this would surely do the trick right?? Clomid is a super ovulation drug and usually women get pregnant on it pretty quickly, if there isn't an underlying problem. Hanging on those last words...if there isn't an underlying problem. Fast forward to 2 months on Clomid and still NOTHING...I had enough....I was emotionally exhausted. I was DONE. Before I get into the next part of my journey I want to preface this with saying, my OB is amazing and she did her job...but OB's are so incredibly busy that they don't have the time to get to the nitty gritty to figure out what is going on with your body...although I do feel she kept me way longer than she should have. It's basically their protocol to have you trying under their watch for at least a year (if you're under 35) before they send you to a specialist. But that wasn't good enough for me...I did my research and booked my own appointment with a specialist after about 8 months with my OB, I knew something wasn't right with my body and I wanted ANSWERS! Ladies, if you think something isn't right...advocate for yourself, FIGHT for yourself to get answers. That's exactly what I did and I didn't stop until I knew what was going on and we had a plan in place.
The take home of this entire post is that I never stopped asking questions and fighting for my health. I knew something wasn't right and I wasn't going to stop asking questions until I got answers. ALWAYS be an advocate for yourself, and listen to your body ladies!!