This is the season of holiday parties and events! Ugly Sweaters, Cookie Exchanges, Girls' Night Out, Secret Santa...and the OFFICE PARTY! Having just attended my husband's, I thought I'd share tips for ladies on how to enjoy an office party safely and smartly, so as not to wake up with regrets, reminders and reprimands.
1. LIMIT PRE-GAMING:
It's usually free at the party anyway so be patient. You don't want to be the life of the party in your living room. Pace yourself. The only thing you should be doing at home is getting fabulous, chugging water, and carbo-loading.
2. INVEST IN A DD AHEAD OF TIME:
Take an Uber to and from the party. The alternative just isn't worth it, y'all! Spend the night in bed, not behind bars.
3. BE SURE TO KNOW HOW TO ROCK EVERY STEP TO POPULAR DANCES:
These popular, choreographed wedding must-haves ALWAYS pop up at the office parties. Know "The Wobble," "Cha-Cha Slide," "Teach Me How to Dougie," and if you stay to the end...the "Chicken Dance." It's not enough to know HOW to bust these moves, but you have to know them enough to make it look effort-less, really more like you're doing it because you have to, but still kinda bored by it.
4. BRING CUTE FLIP-FLOPS:
Those 8-inch heels that you baaaaaarely can stand in will really make you wobble while doing "The Wobble." Flip-Flops are a must so as to avoid any broken glass or stray alfredo sauce from a third trip to the buffet.
5. LEAVE THE SPANX AT HOME:
First of all, you know you always wait until the very last minute to go to the bathroom. Then it takes you 5 minutes to wiggle them down (unless you get the smart kind, if you know what I mean) and then 30min (with assistance from a friend) - 1hr and 10 min (bravely going solo) to get them back up close to where they started. You take too much time away from the fun, and risk a horrible catastrophe.
6. DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME CHATTING IT UP WITH THE BOSS:
Guess what?! He/she will notice that your speech severely slurred and it takes really long for you to blink! No matter how much you think otherwise, you are fooling NO ONE.
7. WEAR WATERPROOF MASCARA:
It is HIGHLY likely that you will shed a tear and/or sob before the night is over.
8. REGULATE YOUR PARTNER'S TIME AT THE BAR:
Being a slow office party learner, I learned this part is integral to maintaining the fun and festive tone of the evening. For the last two years, I dropped the ball, BIG TIME. The Goose got loose and there was nothing I could do. In 2015, my 38 year-old husband was encouraged/peer-pressured into doing the worm, followed by a half split to the left, then a slight rise to transition to the right. He ended up tearing his meniscus and having back pain for the remainder of the week.
This year, at 39 years-old, he stuck with the worm, forwards and backwards, and tore a hole in the back of his pants that went from top to bottom. Not just a tear up the seam, but the kind where really there is no salvaging them.
9. DO NOT ATTEND THE AFTER PARTY:
SAVE YOURSELF!! No good can come of it. Bad karaoke and forgetting your debit card behind the bar just aren't worth it...and these happenings are best case scenarios!
10. WHAT HAPPENS AT THE OFFICE PARTY...:
Unless you are asking for confirmation and clarity, don't go there. 'nough said.
Happy Holidays!! Be safe! xo