The Instant mom, the one no one considers a mom.
To the girlfriend of a guy with kids.
To the guardian who gained custody.
This is for you.
Becoming and instant mom isn’t easy, I can tell you first hand that it turns your life upside down but sometimes…sometimes it gets turned upside down for the better.
I used to not consider myself a “mom”. They aren’t my kids I would tell myself... because that’s what society would say.
The thing is though, they ARE my kids.
I didn’t give birth to them.
I didn’t adopt them.
I’m not married to their dad.
But they ARE mine.
They are mine when they are sick at 1 am and I’m right there with their dad worried we may have to do a hospital run. They are mine when they wake me up instead of him at 7 am for waffles and orange juice. They are mine when they snuggle me and tell me they love me.
They may not be mine biologically, they may not be mine by marriage… but they are mine, so don’t tell me that they aren’t. Don’t make me feel like I should explain that “oh they are my boyfriends”. Don’t make me feel like I can’t claim them.
Because they ARE mine.
When you start dating someone who has children you must understand you are not the top priority and neither is your significant other. If you want to make a relationship work where kids are involved then the kids are top priority to both of you.
Now, now I am not saying that you and your boyfriend are not important because you are and please do not ever let either of you forget that your relationship IS of UPMOST importance but the kids should come first, especially when they are at a young age.
When I started dating my boyfriend I knew what I was getting in to. I knew he had two young boys under the school age and I knew along with that would come a lot of “mom” like duties even if he didn’t think it would.
You see, when you date a man with kids (or a woman with kids for that matter) they are not asking you to become their parent but you WILL take on roles that are like a parent would. You’ll get up at 3am to put them back in bed. You will wake up at 7am so your boyfriend can sleep in some days.
You will get excited when they come home with school projects they can’t wait to tell you about. You will take them shopping for holidays and birthdays for their dad’s gifts because they don’t have anyone else to and they want to surprise him too. You will deal with bath times and tantrums and time outs and so so much more.
Becoming an instant mom is hard. You go from being single and casually dating to living with a man who has kids and it takes a little getting used to but if you let yourself open-up to the idea you might just realize that it will turn your whole world right side up instead of upside down.
Two years ago, I was single, divorced, I never thought I would re marry or fall in love again or have children to care for and then one day I was an ‘Instant Mom’. I was helping make lunches for PreK and mini pancakes for breakfast with two little ones running around the kitchen asking if they could help me even though they would just make a giant mess in the process.
To the Instant Moms. It’s not easy, it’s a change, a challenge, for some it’s a struggle that is harder than others. Once you get the hang of it, once you embrace the chaos you realize it’s this whole world you never thought you would be a part of but now that you are you have no idea what you would do without those little sticky fingers in your life and their amazing father who trusted to bring you in to theirs.
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
They changed me.
They made me better.
They are mine.
HI! I'm Veronica and I'm the voice behind the blog. I love red wine, tacos and coffee after 5 pm. I'm a local Photographer by day & by night I host monthly Girls Night Out Events and Networking Socials around town. I'm a West Coast girl living in an East Coast world and I couldn't love it any more. Thanks for visiting Pensacola Housewives!