Hi, my name is Ashley and I am a recovering People Pleaser.....No seriously, it's a thing!
It is a personality trait that I've always had and it has continued to develop with the line of work I am in. Ask your fellow event manager, clients relations manager...honestly anyone in the hospitality industry. They'll tell you, "it's just what we do". You make people happy. You fix problem. I grew accustomed to never telling a client/customer "no" and conforming to their needs - no matter what! My past and current colleagues could give you a million stories on how I went above and beyond to make a client happy or land a big client.
Now my People Pleasure Syndrome trickled over to my relationships- family, friends, & lovers. I would be sitting at home, minding my business and relaxing then I'd get a phone call from a friend or colleague inviting me somewhere or asking me to do something. Although I was in my happy place and most times finally finding time to myself to RELAX, for some reason I just couldn't say no. So there I was; leaving my self care sanctuary, throwing on some heels , doing my hair/makeup, and going out for a night over overextending myself and spending too much money. Sounds fun, right?
But wait, there's more.
The year I decided to go Full Time Entrepreneur- right after I had my daughter, was the worst and most stressful year of my life. People Pleaser times a MILLION.
Heres the common MYTH:
In fact, its quite the opposite. The most successful entrepreneurs treat their businesses/brands like a typical 9-5.
Do you know what that means?!
You create a set schedule, with off days and vacation time. That is what will help you get closer to success.
Now I took this People Pleaser mentality to heart attached with my "No Day Off" (horrible way to view your work life BTW) entrepreneur lifestyle and HONEY...stressed was an understatement! I would literally feel guilty if I even thought to take a 10 minute break away from my work- often times going days without eating anything besides tea and a few snacks. Many times that meant I'd stay cooped up inside my house, by . myself, for weeks straight- with a 7month old on top of that- only answering to the needs of my daughter or my business.
This was me, stressed and unhappy but convincing myself that THIS was the was the price you have to pray for success. I'll sleep, eat and be happy when I'm a millionaire, right? That was my life....Until I finally had a mental breakdown and forced myself to give myself time to myself. WHEW.....say that 5 times fast LOL
How could I be successful in anything if I'm not taking care of myself? I can't. So thats what I did. I gave myself a break- which explains why I stepped back from Housewives since October. I needed that mental break because I was going down wrong path and was literally driving myself crazy.
Which brings me here to this blog post- My Self Care Tips and Routines.
This is actually new to me as well- something I've only been doing since early October of last year. But when I tell you I've never been this close to stress- free in my life, I mean that! These tips/habits have been fueling my good days but most importantly, it's been keeping me from sinking too low on my worst days and keep me feeling like myself!
So if you're at that point & you're not taking care of yourself like you should, you may need a change in your current self-care habits- hopefully my tips will give you ideas for what you can begin doing to show yourself that you love yourself! Check it out:
1. GET SOME SLEEP! (Seriously)
Go to bed...the end lol. Give yourself a break from working, coming home and working more, then staying up late and working even more. How do you expect to produce greatness if you're running on fumes? You can't. So give yourself time to sleep. You deserve it.
2. create office/work hours and stick to them
Whether you're an entrepreneur or overachieving employee....you need to establish boundaries. That could be turning your work phone off after hours and NOT picking them up unless it is a life or death emergency. Here's my rule of thumb- If it can wait until the morning, let it wait until the morning. Also, I'll typically leave email notifications up but forward all calls to voicemail. This way if I get any requests, I can assess the severity of it on my own and only respond if its an emergency instead of answering a call and being convinced into working outside of your office hours.
3. LEARN HOW TO SAY NO
& better yet, YOU DON'T HAVE TO! Learn how to say "no". Honestly, I feel like I've gained more respect by having boundaries and saying no instead of being a yes woman. Its better to be upfront and honest; whether you don't want to do it or you really don't have to time/energy to do it, a simply "I don't have the capacity to do 'XYZ' but I can -insert alternate solution" will have to do.
Know you boundaries!
4. Pamper yourself
Whether its scheduling a massage session- Massage Envy is my favorite in Chicago- or a relaxing at-home pamper session, you need it! I would say give yourself time once a week (twice a month for massages or a weekly at-home session). Heres my at-home self care routine
1. Baby-free quietness
2. Dim the lights
3. Light Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean, 3-wick candles
4. Pour Chandon California Brut Rose Champagne
5. Put on my fluffy, red Victoria Secret Robe
6. Prepare the Charcoal mask using Scratch Goods products:
- Charcoal Mask
- Jasmine Rose Skin Drink
- Jasmine Rose Rolling Oil
**Wet and steam a cotton towel (Charcoal is very easy to wash out so don't worry about the black residue)**
7. Moisturize using Clean and Clear Dual Action Moisturizer
8. Take some time to meditate (10-15min). Sit in complete silence, Indian style of the floor or flat on your stomach/back. The key to meditation is to center your thoughts and focus on breathing.
I also love to turn on a good Erykah Badu and Jhene Aiko playlist to relax.
5. Make your favorite dish or order your favorite takeout
IDK about you guys but nothing warms my heart more than to take myself out for my favorite food or cook my favorite food- chicken tacos or cajun pasta are my go-to. Most often I'm cooking dishes that my daughter will for sure eat or throwing something together that is super quick and easy during my busy weekday. & those nights of cooking always involve me chasing my daughter around and trying to keep her occupied and out the kitchen. I don't get alot of times where I'm by myself and cooking for myself so when I set aside that time for self-care, this part is important for me!
6. Turn your phone off
That's just it. Turn it off! Dont Not Disturb or completely off. I'll typically leave mine on vibrate or DND, only because most times my daughter will be with a relative and I have to make sure I'm accessible if they call..but other than that, everyone else gets ignored for a few hours LOL. This isn't just for talking to people though, this goes for social media as well. For me, social media is a huge factor in my work life. I blog. I market events. I maintain client relations. I manage social media accounts. Its so very tiring at time, which is why this step is vital for me. Looking at my computer or phone screen for long periods of time definitely takes a toll on my physical and mental, so a break is very much needed!
7. spit it out
My last tip for today is to SPIT. IT .OUT! What I mean is that it's super important to talk about it. Whatever "it" is- stresses, anxieties, failures,...whatever chip is on your shoulder- let it out! Talk to a friend, significant other, family member- hell talk to a stranger if you need to. One thing I do know is that letting your stresses consume you is never a good idea. Plus, you never know what others are going through as well, you just might help another person crawl out of their stress shell.
Self care isn't just something I do when I'm stressed, it's something I've learned to practice everyday. Now, I dont have time to sit and get facials and massages everyday (I WISH I DID LOL) BUT I do have a few minutes everyday to check in with myself. Stopping yourself for 10 minutes and assessing your day or taking a few minutes to close your eyes and breathe, goes a long way. Self care has truly changed how I experience the many stresses of the world. Instead of letting my stresses consume me, I acknowledge it, look it right in the eye and say "Look man, not today!" LOL. Once you start to take time to love on yourself, I promise you things start to get a litter easier.
Now stop reading this blog on how you're supposed to self love and just go do it!
Don't forget to comment, like and share! Let me know what your self-care routines are!
Hi, I'm Ashley!
I am a Southside Chicago native, mompreneur, and lover of all things social! I love to travel, meet new people, and practice my role as a self proclaimed food critic & Rosé connoisseur here in the City!
Follow me as I share my experiences through our GNO events and blog!