They say…it takes a village to raise a family. I have two marvelous, wonderful, smart, funny, beautiful children and I am not the best mom in the world, but I am their mom. I don’t do everything right, or remember every date, for homework, play dates, whatever, every time. My parenting technique is more yelling and semi rhetorical questions. I don’t know that it’s wrong and I don’t know that it’s right, but what it is, is mine. I don’t get to go out with my husband on date nights very often because I don’t know anyone to babysit or have a “full” time sitter and I can’t always afford the night out and the sitter at the same time. My kids don’t spend the night at their grandparent’s house, unless we are there, because distance is an issue.
My husband and I settled about 40 minutes from where my parents used to live, but when my dad died that all changed. My mom lives in town part time and part time with her new partner. She’s wonderful when she can help, but she’s not the hands on, stay around each week, routine type of Nana and that’s okay. It works for her and mostly for us. She has her own life and I have to respect that, even though I wish she was like my grandma and was always there and always okay with us being there- though she mellowed with time.
My in-laws live over 2 hours away and are involved as often as possible. They come down or we go up at least once a month. During the summer, we meet in the middle and the kids will go up for a day or two alone. They are wonderful, just too far.
Simply put, my kids are not used being away from us. What I wouldn’t give to have a village. Stressed, tired, overworked, one mom away from crying…that’s where I live my life…but it’s mine and I wouldn’t change it.
When I was little I remember going to my grandma’s all the time or with cousins, friends of the family, etc. I also remember being home a lot. My parents definitely had a village, but my husband and I just don’t. That’s just how it is and that’s okay, because there are no other options.
We have a small army. Him and me. A little bit of help when they can and that’s enough.
Stephen Hawking once said, "We live in a bewildering world." As a mom, teacher, friend, life-long learner, no truer words have been uttered. It seems just as I think I have something figured out, or have hit mastery level, the world comes back up and says, "Haha, sucker, nope!"
As a wife and mother of two, 2.5 years apart, I completely underestimated how much pressure one child would put on my marriage, let alone two. I love my family, deeply. I love the man I married, the lives that we created, but I would be lying if I said I would do it all again in a heartbeat...it might take two, or three.
My husband and I are not the young, full of energy, excited kids we once were- who had an optimistic and unrealistic view of the future. We are now exhausted parents, barreling toward middle age, trying to raise responsible adults with zero sights set to the future, except to survive each day, week, month.
Last weekend, our exhaustion and frustration of parenting, being tired, having dealt with 3 weeks of the flu, caught up with us in an EPIC way. It was a very unpleasant conversation, argument, that lead to tears, hateful hard words, and both of us in our separate corners licking our wounds to keep them fresh. While licking these wounds and passing one another in silence through the day, play acting in front of the kids all day so they didn't pick up on the situation, it occurred to me, I have mastered much of anything. In fact, I am not sure that I ever will. '
What this EPIC battle lead to, after the wounds started to heal were that we needed time to focus on us, our relationship, who we are together and separate. We need to take time to go out, just the two of us and enjoy our food. We need to discuss our parenting expectations and not expect the other to be a mind reader. We need to not take each other for granted and remember that we are on an exciting, bewildering ride, but we are together.
It's time to push down the safety bar, throw our arms in the air, and enjoy the ride. Life is more than survival and it's time to refocus on all the good it has to offer.
Spring is coming. Oh my, it's March and spring is on the horizon! Here's a few of my favorite things about spring!!
1. Warmer weather: I hate the in between, I like the coolness of the mornings and warmth of the afternoon during spring; but, not the wishy washy of the time before spring settles in...
2. Spring means baseball season and I love going down to the stadium to catch a game!
3. The fresh growth: when plants begin to bloom and trees begin to blossom, it's so refreshing to watch the world come to color again!
4. Easter: I love easter and spending time with the family, letting the kids hunt for eggs!
5. Spring takes us closer to summer and I LOOOOOOOVVVVEEE summer, so bring on spring! I need all the vitamin D in my life...
Is it weird that even though I mentioned two seasons, referenced another, my favorite, my all time favorite, is fall!!!
What about you?
Hey, girl, hey!