It is funny how there are times in your life where you feel like you have it all together, and then there are those times that make you second guess everything and how you’re doing it.
This happens in all aspects of life, at least in mine, I like to analyze things and really read into them. Which, who am I kidding, that is probably not always a good thing.
As a mother of two boys, I have seen myself analyze my parenting skills and then re-analyze them again and each time I come up with a new resolution or epiphany. When Cale was born, I focused so much on raising a nice, kind, well-mannered little boy who would be well liked by others. So much so, that I may have taken away from his self-worth. This is my most recent epiphany.
You may be thinking I did something so horrible and how dare she take away from her own child’s self-worth, but it was as simple of an action as making him share his toys. This is what we mothers obsess over. The little things that could or could not make the biggest difference in our child’s life.
I started thinking about this after I read a blog another mother wrote about why she wasn’t going to make her child share. When I went to our next play date, I watched as everyone’s children played and some moms made their children share and others didn’t. I felt like I may have had it wrong the whole time watching these other mothers protect their child from another child trying to take a prized toy away. Maybe the basics of sharing would alter their ability to be successful in the future, maybe by not sharing these children would learn to fight for what they are passionate about and not give into others. All of this over whether my child learns to share or not?! – Now, that just sounds crazy. But, in that moment, I couldn’t help to question everything I thought I knew.
Motherhood makes us feel crazy. Sometimes it is a good crazy and sometimes it is straight loony bin crazy.
So since that day, I have been obsessing over how this one action of mine may have impacted his life. When Cale was younger and would have a play date I would be right there, ready as soon as another child wanted the toys he was playing with, telling him “you need to share, why don’t you let them play with the toy and you play with this instead.” I didn’t just do this sometimes; I did it every single time. Every. Single. Time.
Now that I have a second child who is a toddler and in that same stage, I see myself second guessing those actions. I don’t do this, must-share-with-everyone-all-the-time thing, as much with Jace as I did with Cale. And when I realize that, I obsess over if I should or shouldn’t. I still haven’t made up my mind on the answer to that yet.
But when it comes to Cale, I worry if I may have taught him that his needs come second to other individuals. When in fact his needs are a top priority of mine, but putting others first is a skill many admire. So, I haven’t been able to decide if that is a bad thing or not.
I worry if he will be a push over and agree to easily without sharing other ideas or solutions to a problem in the future.
I worry and obsess over questions and scenarios I will never know the answer to. And then I ask myself, why is parenting so hard?
I will never know if I am doing the right thing as a parent, there was never a rule book given to any of us and sometimes I wish there had been. As of right now, I can say that I am very proud of Cale though. He is very well liked in school and made friends easily. He plays well with other kids and is sensitive to their needs, especially his little brother. He loves and he is passionate.
Maybe obsessing over what we may or may not be doing as parents doesn’t matter; as long as we are trying to do the best we can in that moment.
I don’t know how much I have done to have caused Cale to turn out to be the kid who he is right now, but there are times when I look at him and realize: I have done something amazing in raising him, and in those moments my obsessive analyzing stops and I am able to enjoy just being a mother.
I am originally from the mountainous state of Vermont (no that is not in Canada!) - my passion is event planning and spending time with my little family consisting of my husband, two little boys and four fur children.
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