One of the things I have always tried to believe about myself is that I am strong and capable of dealing with anything. It has been nearly seven years since I had my first daughter and the dynamics of my life were completely different then to what they are now. I remember reflecting on the first few months of her life and thinking did I possible have post natal depression? I just thought that it was something that all new mom's experienced due to the lack of sleep, adjusting to being a mom and trying to find out your identity along with where you belong in the world now. So I never asked for help. Now here I am being a new mom all over again, well that is how it feels anyway since I am starting all over again. This time however I am juggling work, full time college, planning a wedding and so much more. 2019 was meant to be a wonderful year full of love, laughter and celebration but if I am honest it has been pretty brutal. I have lost my adopted Grandma very suddenly,, my father in law has had a heart attack and I feel like I am loosing my mind.
Literally the other night I went to my fiance and said you may need to take me to the mental hospital because I don't know what to do. Now had he said go pack and bag so I can take you, I would have run in the other direction. But why is it when it comes to our own emotional/mental needs that we are unable to admit when we need help and we are not willing to accept it. I will be honest it is because I feel like I am weak and failing my family. However how are we able to look after anyone else when we are broken ourselves? There has been many times when I have thought about picking up the phone to call my doctor but I just can't seem to do it. Even though I know I am not the only mother who has ever felt like this, I am not ready to open up,. Admittedly I'm scared of feeling vulnerable. So instead I browsed on the internet and ordered myself some natural supplements.
At least once everyday my heart feels heavy and I feel defeated. Some people would say I need less stress on my plate, that I should take a break from college. But I have worked so hard to get where I am today and if I take a break now it will put me a year behind my graduation date of December 2020. So instead I put pictures on social media that show how happy I am, baby snuggles, baby smiles, selfies with my oldest daughter and family selfies. I guess we do this to hide our real raw emotions but I am discovering that my keeping them buried they just get worse. So here I am exposing myself to you. I was finally going to have to admit out loud that I need help or at least to hear some advice from you that I can overcomes this. I don't want to feel alone. Although I don't think I can bring myself to go to the doctor, to air my dirty laundry nor do I think I am brave enough to go to a support group. Will admitting that I possibly have PPD make people feel that I don't love my baby? If only there was a magic wand that someone could wave over me to make all of this anxiety disappear. I need support and advice because I love my family especially my new baby. I want all of the moms out there to know that no matter what we are not weak, we carried a baby for 9 months and gave birth a life. If we can do that we can conquer PPD, especially if we support each other.
We have had 2 AMAZING events recently and we are so thankful for the wonderful venues in Winston Salem for hosting us. We had our first Sunday event which was a huge success. The Canteen Market & Bistro provided our ladies with FREE wine tasting, great snacks and their seafood super was delicious. We have had some great local businesses that have been supporting us especially Winston Salem Cycle Bar and Sunshine energy drinks that helped fill our swag bags full of products. Chad's Chai came out to give our ladies samples and we even had free chair massages. Last week we had another great turnout at Joymongers Brewing and even had some live music. I am beyond excited for the future of HITC - WS. Our city has so many AMAZING things happening and I hope to help you explore new venues, provide you with networking opportunities and fun times.
July 28th - Canteen Market & Bistro
August 8th - Joymongers Barrel Hall
Canteen - My wonderful hubby to be Carl Weaver
Joymongers - Sara Muncy
Chad's Chai - https://chadschai.com/
Sunshine - Website: https://drinkthesunshine.com/
Facebook: Sunshine Beverages (@drinksunshine)
Rachel Ferraro - Evelyn Rose Boutique
Emily Stessman - Paparazzi
Jennifer Merritt - Mary Kay
I hope you will join us at our next event: September 12th @ Westbend Winery & Brewery.
We are still looking for vendors for our events in 2019 please email firstname.lastname@example.org
I have always been someone who puts other peoples needs before my own, but a few years ago I found myself stuck in a relationship where I felt I could never do something for myself. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize that I wanted to do something for myself, that would enable me to support myself financially, Ever since I was in high school I had dreamed of being. However being the free bird that I am, I dropped out of college to move to the beach, got a little distracted along the way, including boys and a move from England to the USA. Finally in 2017 I was fortunate enough to have my amazing fiance by side who encouraged and supported my decision to go back to college. I completed my associates degree in just 1 year and am now attending Western Caroline University to obtain my bachelors degree. Now I am not saying that this has been an easy journey, there has been times when I have been crying because I have too much to do and too little time, or I have been simply so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start. Last summer I managed to do 7 classes at once online with the community college, whilst also travelling for 5 weeks in Europe. So this summer I confidently figured I would be able to handle 5 classes at WCU. Everyone kept saying to me that I was taking on too much work especially with a new baby. They were soooo right, this has been one hell of a summer! It has been so hard having 5 tough classes, having my oldest baby home for the summer break and raising a new baby. I only had to take 3 out of the 5 classes, but I am crazy and am trying to get a minor in Psychology and my 24 hours in social studies on top of my bachelors. Now I have done very well with my classes all A's and B's, but it has come with a huge sacrifice as I have had hardly anytime to spend with my family. Now I have to remember though, that I am doing this so that I can have more time with my family and have time to make more memories in the future. I only have 1 year left so it will be so worth it in the long run. It has taken me so much determination and hours of hard work but I am driven by my ambition. Going back to college for me was not just the desire to have my bachelors but I really wanted to have a self-validating experience. Getting that postcard in the mail when I first made the Dean's list was so empowering and really showed me that I can do anything when I dream big. It would have been easy for me to take a semester off this summer and focus on all the reasons I couldn't do it. But instead I am proud of myself, we still have over 2 weeks until school starts and I am determined to make the most of that time with my babies and hubby to be. Also we have been renovating a an RV this summer, from the top down - but that is a whole other stressful story lol! The trend here is that all of my hard work leads to something beautiful. What do you want to do this year but have been scared to take that first step?