I am blessed with 2 beautiful happy, healthy little girls and I was so excited for the summer to start. But in all reality we have done nothing fun or excited so far this summer because I been so focused on life that I forget to live.
This summer started with the birth of my second daughter, who entered the world quickly and healthy. The 2 days in the hospital were a nice break from reality, we enjoyed room service, no cooking and were able to be together without many interruptions. But before I knew it we were back home and the reality of life started again. I am pursuing my bachelors degree so that I can become a teacher and so this summer I have 5 classes. So this year I am spending my summer trying to juggle having a new baby, spend time with my 6 year old, college, work, being a spouse and having time for myself. The reality is that I am barely surviving everyday, I find myself struggling to meet deadlines for college, struggling with finances, nearly forgetting to pay the bills, eating the same meals everyday and the list goes on. There is only so much time in the day, unfortunately I feel like I am spending so much time working and doing my classes that I am missing out on being present with my girls. The mom guilt is real. I don't know how many times I have felt like I am failing, like I am being a bad mom, being too short with the people I love because I am constantly feeling stressed.
It is a constant roller coaster of emotions and I don't stop feeling guilty for one reason or another:
I try to tell myself that I am dong all of this to provide for my family but in reality I am so busy that I forget to live in the moment.
I know these feelings are no one else fault, that it is me who’s the problem. I often feel that I am lost, as if I am playing the role of someone else and that maybe I am missing some chain of DNA that all mothers are supposed to possess.
These type of feelings are not healthy, they will eat you from the inside out and leave you feeling so negative about everything in life. I am not saying that I want to be perfect, because lets face it no one is perfect. But I do need to find some balance in my life, everyone keeps telling me I need to do something for myself. That when I take the time to have some me time I will be able to appreciate myself, feel rejuvenated and try to find some balance in my life. All of this guilt means that I care and I need to remember that when I feel down.
Motherhood is tough, women are emotional enough without adding something else to the plate but you know that I would not trade it for the world. I want us to all remember that we are all human, that if you formula or breastfeed your infant you are still a great mom. If you work full time or if you are a stay at home mom you are still great. Instead of focusing on the negatives in life, lets stand up and support each other. Because at some point in life we all need a friend, we need support, someone to cry or laugh with. Some of us may seem like we are strong people but we are just good at playing the part. Winston Salem Housewives is meant to be about empowering women and providing each other with support. So lets come together and do just that.